They might think, “If I don’t step in, everything will fall apart,” but this mindset keeps them stuck in a cycle of overgiving while the other person avoids responsibility. They often step in to fix problems, shield loved ones from consequences, or avoid conflict, even when it causes them stress or exhaustion. Someone with an enabler personality has a desire to help others, so much so that they would help them even when their behaviors can harm them.

Even in professional settings, enabling can rear its ugly head. Put simply, enabling creates an atmosphere in which the individual can comfortably continue their unacceptable behavior. Learning how to recognize the signs of enabling can help loved ones curb this tendency and deal with the problem rather than avoiding it. The road to recovery and change is almost never a spotless one, so it’s important not to guilt trip or shame them if and when they slip. When there’s a setback, start again at step one (provide a nonjudgmental space to talk) and offer to help again. Some of these “helping” behaviors might be okay if they happened only once and came with other, more concrete forms of support.

• Tell your loved one you want to keep helping them, but not in ways that enable their behavior.
• Furthermore, enabling can create a culture of denial within the family unit.
• When a person with a substance use disorder is enabled it lessens the likelihood they will see the need for change.

The Link Between Enabling and Codependency for Addiction and Mental Health

The more you spend time, energy and financial resources on others, the more effect it can have on your own well-being.

• The Diamond Rehab Thailand was born out of a desire to help people recover from addiction in a safe, low-stress environment.
• Not following through lets your loved one know nothing will happen when they keep doing the same thing.
• As this occurs the substance is allowed to continue while the family is lost and at odds.
• It is common for family members to believe they are helping their addicted loved ones when, in reality, they are acting as enablers.
• You may feel obligated to continue helping even when you don’t want to.

The Importance of Case Management in Coordinating Recovery Care

As in, “You enable enabling behavior meaning him, so it’s partly your fault.” But no one is to blame for addiction, and it’s okay to respond imperfectly to the disease—in fact, it’s to be expected. We’re all learning how to respond to addiction and move toward recovery, and that’s what matters. The topic of addiction will understandably create some conflict. Your loved one may show signs of denial, where they refuse they have a problem with alcohol or other drugs. Or they may have decided that their drinking or drug use “is what it is” and are unwilling to change. When we transition away from codependency and enabling, we can help our loved one realize the severity of their addiction, and guide them toward treatment and hopefully into recovery.

Signs of Enabling Behavior

Because the cycle of addiction is difficult to maintain alone, substance users rely on the people closest to them to enable their behaviors. As we have previously discussed, this dependence usually manifests itself as receiving financial and emotional support. People struggling with addiction can be verbally, emotionally, and even physically abusive. If the addicted person is your spouse or an adult child, you may need him or her to move out until he or she can start to heal.

While the intention is to support the child, this behavior keeps them from learning responsibility, problem-solving skills, and the ability to manage their own challenges. This can mean that they might keep the person from facing the consequences of their actions or resolve the other person’s problems themselves. While this may keep things running smoothly in the short term, it allows the other person to avoid their responsibilities and creates an imbalance in the relationship.

How Do I Support Without Enabling?

In essence, enabling is any action that protects the addicted individual from the consequences of their behavior, making it more difficult for them to recognize the need for change. There are many causes for enabling behaviors to surface, but the most common reason for enabling behavior is denial. For many people, it’s not entirely clear when a proclivity becomes an addiction.

Understanding the Importance of Setting Boundaries

By acknowledging enabling behavior, we can take the necessary steps towards personal growth and empowerment. Transitioning from enabling to truly helping involves setting and maintaining clear, firm boundaries. Discuss these boundaries with your loved one, emphasizing that while your support for their recovery is unwavering, you won’t shield them from the repercussions of their actions. Encourage them to engage in therapy or support groups, and express your belief in their ability to overcome addiction. Remember, your role is to support their path to recovery, not to walk it for them. By examining the nuanced aspects of enabling, you’re taking a significant step towards fostering healthier relationships and supporting meaningful recovery for your loved one.

An enabler does things that the person should be able to do for themselves. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. They may not agree to enter treatment right away, so you might have to mention it several times. Working with your own therapist can help you explore positive ways to bring up treatments that are right for your situation. Say your sister continues to leave her kids with you when she goes out. You agree to babysit because you want the kids to be safe, but your babysitting enables her to keep going out.

Sometimes a person needs to run out of money before a treatment program seems like a viable option. From the perspective of hope-based enablers, the addict or alcoholic will always appear to be on the verge of making a positive breakthrough. Family members fear that if they stop providing support to the substance user, they will lose all of the progress that they’ve made. Of course, this progress is often a lie used to secure further enabling support.

In conflicts, they assume a victim role, and even when asserting their boundaries, they often experience guilt. This pattern of self-sacrifice and people-pleasing significantly impact their overall well-being. When you’re not sure if you’re doing the best thing or what to do next, try coming back to the concept of boundaries. Supportive behaviors empower a person to make choices toward their recovery. It’s most often an intimate partner or close friend who passively and unknowingly encourages negative behaviors to continue. You might simply try to help your loved one out because you’re worried about them or afraid their actions might hurt them, you, or other family members.

Al-Anon, a mutual-help group for people with alcoholic friends or family members, pioneered the idea of detachment with love—and recovery for the loved ones of alcoholics. Effective communication is another key tool in combating enabling. Learning to express your concerns clearly and compassionately, while also setting firm boundaries, can help shift relationship dynamics in a healthier direction. It’s a bit like learning a new language – at first it feels awkward and uncomfortable, but with practice, it becomes more natural.

Recognizing enabling behavior is crucial in order to break free from its negative impact. Some common signs of enabling include always being the rescuer or fixer, constantly making excuses for someone’s behavior, and taking on their responsibilities or burdens. Enablers often have difficulty saying “no” or setting boundaries, as they fear rejection or conflict. They may also have a tendency to prioritize the needs of others above their own, neglecting their own well-being in the process.

This is a very similar pattern to what is almost always necessary to help a substance user see the need for help. Depending which role you take on within the family system, you may be enabling the primary enabler. People often engage in comforting coping skills, regardless of the long term consequences they may bring to themselves or the rest of the family. When a person with a substance use disorder is enabled it lessens the likelihood they will see the need for change.

This is opposed to providing means and opportunities to continue engaging in self-destructive behaviors. For example, enabling behavior may include providing the school with an excuse so someone can skip class, even if they did because they spent the night drinking. “Ending an enabling relationship requires assertiveness — the ability to say no,” Dr. Borland says. “For a lot of people, learning to be assertive is a new and potentially uncomfortable skill set.

This can take many forms, including paying a person’s rent or debt, lying to people about a loved one’s substance use, fixing their tickets or bailing them out of jail. Trust erodes, resentment builds, and the dynamic becomes increasingly unhealthy. It’s a bit like a garden where weeds are allowed to grow unchecked – eventually, they choke out the flowers that once thrived there. Consider Sarah, a loving mother who consistently covers for her teenage son’s tardiness at school. She believes she’s protecting him from consequences, but in reality, she’s denying him the opportunity to learn time management and responsibility.

It’s about empowering them to make positive changes in their life. On the other hand, enabling typically shields them from the consequences of their actions. This could be as simple as making excuses for their behavior or as complex as financially supporting their addiction without setting boundaries. It’s also essential to recognize the emotional complexity tied to enabling. Often, enablers feel trapped between their desire to help and the fear that withdrawing support might lead to their loved one hitting rock bottom.